Growing up in a religious family, Michaela Rapisarda, ’23, debated how to tell her family she is gay.
During her senior year in high school, she and another girl felt a mutual attraction, and Rapisarda decided to approach her mother about it. Her mother dismissed it as a phase. Later, during a mother-daughter argument, Rapisarda’s mother turned to her father in anger and said, “Do you know your daughter is gay?” He responded, “Oh, you think I didn’t know? I love her for who she is.”
Rapisarda felt waves of anxiety lift away. “I thought they would hate me and kick me out of the house,” she recalled. But her parents now are “100 percent supportive,” she said, to the point where her mother buys her a small gift every year during Pride Month, such as a hat or a t-shirt. “I think they were just taken aback,” initially by the news, Rapisarda said.
A Health Promotion and Wellness major from Deer Park who transferred to Farmingdale State College (FSC), Rapisarda found a welcoming and supportive community at FSC. She participates on the soccer and track teams and is a member of the Health Promotion and Wellness Club. Some of the soccer team members also identify as lesbian, so she immediately felt like she had a “group.”
She has also been surprised and pleased with the way FSC celebrates Coming Out Day, Lavender Graduation, and other events connected to the 2SLGBTQIA+ (Two-Spirit, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and/or Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, plus) community. “It made me feel good, I felt represented,” Rapisarda said. “I loved the idea of a Lavender Graduation. I feel comfortable being myself around people [at FSC], you don’t have to hide who you are.”
She looks forward to Pride Month because she sees more people enjoying who they are. “It feels like a celebration,” she said. “I feel more celebrated and accepted.” And she encourages others to join the celebration. “I think anyone who lives near New York City should go to the [Gay Pride] parade, and just try to support the 2SLGBTQIA+ population. Just be there for the people you know and help support them.”
She continues to dispel stereotypes. She considers herself a femlesbian, which means she likes to wear feminine clothes and has been told that she is “too pretty” to be a lesbian.
Rapisarda’s frequent response is, “What does that even mean?” she said, often causing the asker to fumble with their words. “Sometimes if they make me uncomfortable, I just laugh it off and say, ‘So I've been told’ and walk away,” she continued. “I never instigate. I never belittle. I know my worth and I know that people who say that are insecure in themselves.”
Her advice to other young people struggling with acknowledging their sexual identity is to be themselves. “I think being real is the number one thing you can do for yourself, and if you are living a life not representative of who you are, are you really living? It [coming out] usually is not as scary as you’re afraid it’s going to be. You have a lot of options out there for support—even if you don’t think you do.”
